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Even if they turn out to have compatible personalities, since they barely know each other spending so much time together may feel like torture.

Whether an individual travels to a distant city for a first date with someone they've "met" through an Internet dating service, a blind date that's been arranged through a friend or a matchmaker, or someone they've already started to see on a periodic basis because of the distance between them, we recommend that they limit how much time they spend together.

If the first-time daters have arranged to be in the same city for a long weekend or other three-day period, they can see each other each day, but we recommend that they set a three-to-five-hour time limit on the dates.

If they are dating for the first time and will be in the same locale for five to seven days, or more, we recommend that they take at least a day off between most of their dates. When they are not together, the visitor to the city can go sightseeing, visit museums, spend time with friends and family, learn Torah, telecommute to work, or shop.

While e-mails and phone calls are not a substitute for actual dates, they are a good way to enhance what has been started in person.

Although people who date over long distances may take a little longer than conventional daters to reach the point at which they decide to marry, it isn't a good idea to artificially extend the length of the courtship simply because the man and woman haven't had so many face-to-face meetings.

After the long-distance traveler returns to his or her home, we recommend that those who want to continue to date each other correspond by e-mail and telephone, but quickly agree upon the next time they will be getting together and make arrangements for the trip.

The next point to clarify is that one of the parties (and it doesn't matter which one) is willing to relocate if the two of them decide to marry. You've coordinated your schedules, purchased the airline ticket, and arranged for accommodations once you arrive in your date's home city. Plan to intersperse dates with activities you will do on your own.

Although the man traditionally plans where a couple will be going, particularly at the beginning of a courtship, if he has traveled to meet the woman in an unfamiliar city he may have some difficulty figuring out where to take her.

We recommend that he do some "homework" before his trip, by familiarizing himself with a map of the city, the modes of transportation that will be available, and the most interesting or ambient places for a date.

There are other reasons why courtships such as these are destined for failure.

Who would want to spend so much time with someone they have little or no history with and are just beginning to get to know?

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